Communication amongst anyone can be quite convoluted. For me, being Autistic adds quite a bit more complexity. Whether it be with someone else on the spectrum or not, my skills vary. I find that I am pretty literal when it comes to my understanding in most things. The fact that this is the case for me, there are quite a few questions that develop inside my mind when observing others and their conversations. One that I struggle with the most? “Why?” From an outside point of view,” Why?” must seem like such an ordinary question. “Why are you hitting yourself?” “Why would you do such a thing?” “Why does Jason have a bucket on his head?” Common questions that we hear often. My “Why?” has a bit more depth.
“Why are you saying that?”
Throughout all my years of experience whether it be on the spectrum, in the foster system, the court system, and emotional/physical/sexual abuse, I have learned that nobody says something just to say something. There is always purpose behind what we say. Sometimes it’s easy to decipher why; like if you consider someone’s emotional state and the context of the conversation. If someone is crying and they scream “I hate you!”, one can assume they are hurt. Sometimes, sadly, it’s a bit harder than that.
In my life, I have seen words used to conceal, mend, break, confuse, clarify, convince, and describe. Not that long ago, I was listening to someone explain something and it just did’t sit right with me. The way they were talking was in more of a convincing matter than it was an explanation.
Why?
I asked someone close to me if they understood why and they brought something to my attention. Sometimes people can use words not just to convince others, but to convince themselves. We live in a world where we find the need to convince ourselves of something because we live off and seek from others empty words. We have conditioned ourselves into believing that we only have worth if society confirms it.
Why?
Maybe instead of searching for validation from another, we learn to validate ourselves. Our value does not come from the impression’s others have of us. Don’t ever downplay your value by allowing others to influence how you see yourself. Your value comes from you.
How?
When you wake up in the morning, remind yourself of who you are. “I am someone who loves to bake, and I am good at it.” “I am someone who wants to help others.” “I am someone who wants to change the world.” We often forget the power our own words have. You can use them to tear others down, build them up, and even ease their pain. Don’t forget that your words can uplift yourself as well. “I look good today.” Or even a simple “I got this.” Can make the world of difference. Always remember that you are worth it and if you forget, it never hurts to take the time to remind yourself. Your worth is too important to leave in the hands of someone else.
Written by: Nia Dyer
