Men: 19 Things You Should Never Do

Men: 19 Things You Should Never Do

1. Check your BlackBerry in bed

To a woman, that’s like having a threesome with your boss.

2. Ask for a kiss

Her eyes will say yes or no, and nothing kills the mood like asking for a translation.

3. Wear low-rise jeans

So what if David Beckham flashes his hash in every other men’s magazine? It’s important to have some sack, not show it.

4. Mess with another man’s automobile

We don’t care if he stole your wife, your job, and your dog. It’s blasphemy.

5. Send an angry e-mail

Have the huevos to pick up the phone or, better yet, have a téte-à-téte. Fireworks aren’t just for Independence Day.

6. Dismiss a woman who shows any interest in watching baseball with you

She wants you bad.

7. Snoop through her e-mail, closets, or medicine chest

There’s probably nothing there you need to worry about. But rest assured, you’ll find something you don’t want to see.

8. Keep a home-run ball hit by the opposing team

Or one hit by any player on the juice. We don’t care if it’s worth millions. Throw it back or you’re a traitor.

9. Forget an undershirt

Go ahead, let ’em see you sweat. Just don’t let ’em see sweat creeping out from your underarms like dark, foreboding tunnels to your moistened soul.

10. Four words: inner-thigh adductor machine

It might be a tough-to-reach muscle group, but there’s never been a better way to strain your self-esteem.

11. Talk politics or religion with new friends

And if you consider sports one of the two, leave that off the table as well.

12. Talk salary

The more you make, the easier it is to cheapen your image.

13. Have that extra drink

You know, the one that takes you from hilarious to hyena. Always respect your tippling point.

14. DIY plumbing

You think it looks easy. Then your house falls down. Water, like Hulk Hogan’s wife, is not to be flirted with.

15. Leer

Sure, her buttons are quivering to rein in her pendulous bosoms. Sure, it looks “cold in here. ” And sure, each giggle causes her chest to sway suggestively. But “pervert ” isn’t a label you can just peel off.

16. Argue with a cop

You were caught. Own up. Accept defeat. The only thing you win in that battle is a humid cell and a roommate nicknamed Stabby.

17. Hang anything—your cellphone, your keys—on your belt

You’ll never get laid again. True story.

18. Pluck your brows

It’s okay to groom. It’s okay to like a woman who grooms. It’s not okay to groom like a woman.

19. Go tanning

Forget skin cancer. Being trapped between heating elements is for cheese.

Also check out 4 Things Every Man Needs From His Wife